Boyfriend/Diet

Well, I still feel strange about having a boyfriend at this age. Everything is so nice and good that I have no idea why we won't stay together forever. And this makes me a bit... hhhmmm. One man. And no one else in my life??? I know to think about it is very bad, but I'm not an angel anyway...And it's so hard to be on diet forever. I love chocolate and I can't eat it. And this Montiniaque dies is so starnge... I used not to eat at all when I'm on diet and I don't feel it's right to eat three times a day like his says and I'm not gonna. Just fruit tomorrow cause I'll be at home only at 7 in the everning and it's too late to eat meat.Reading Bridget Jones one more time. Getting very sick. I wanna lose weight buut I don't believe I will. Fuck. Hate being fat. Everybody say I look very good right now. But I still feel I'm fat.And Kolya said he liked when I was on diet. Because of my self-appraisal. He says I behave in a different way when I'm on diet. There was a time last year when I felt so proud of myself and felt so beauty. I hope I will be able to feel something like that again, but I don't believe I will ever have my ideal weight. Mission: Impossible.