Депрессняк

Господи, не могу понять, что со мной творится. Вообще, в диету я втянулась,совсем не нарушаю и уже месяц на ней. Пока я стабильно худею на килограмм внеделю. Последнее время я себя плохо чувствую. У меня даже кружится голова вопределеные моменты. С Колей... не знаю, почему-то не могу сказать, что всехорошо. Я воспринимаю его уже совсем по-другому. Я даже не знаю, люблю ли яего все еще. Я его уже не воспринимаю, как кого-то... особенного... А сейчас папа в моей комнате сидит и смотрит телек. Ненавижу, когда кто-то вмоей комнате сидит. Брр!!!Хочу посмотреть Чикаго еще раз.Папа встал и ушел, надо было раньше написать, что меня бесит егоприсутствие.Купила новый альбом Мелани Си. Мне очень нравится.Я истратила все деньги и как назло приехала ярмарка. Там всегда продаетсяочень классное белье. Хотела занять у Коли полторы тысячи, но потомпередумала, надоело быть по уши в долгах... Ненавижу

Boyfriend/Diet

Well, I still feel strange about having a boyfriend at this age. Everything is so nice and good that I have no idea why we won't stay together forever. And this makes me a bit... hhhmmm. One man. And no one else in my life??? I know to think about it is very bad, but I'm not an angel anyway...And it's so hard to be on diet forever. I love chocolate and I can't eat it. And this Montiniaque dies is so starnge... I used not to eat at all when I'm on diet and I don't feel it's right to eat three times a day like his says and I'm not gonna. Just fruit tomorrow cause I'll be at home only at 7 in the everning and it's too late to eat meat.Reading Bridget Jones one more time. Getting very sick. I wanna lose weight buut I don't believe I will. Fuck. Hate being fat. Everybody say I look very good right now. But I still feel I'm fat.And Kolya said he liked when I was on diet. Because of my self-appraisal. He says I behave in a different way when I'm on diet. There was a time last year when I felt so proud of myself and felt so beauty. I hope I will be able to feel something like that again, but I don't believe I will ever have my ideal weight. Mission: Impossible.

Hi...

I feel sooooooo hungry! I've been eating only fruit for a week. I don't wanna just eat something like it was before when I just wanted to eat everything... I'm really hungry and I feel it in my stomach... It's so terrible, I also really want to sleep every time... I have to do something with this, but I've decided not to eat till next Saturday when it's holiday.Holiday! Thanks God it's women's day!!! I'm tired of making presents!!! Bow it's mine and it's all for me and i'm doing nothing!!!!

Love and jealousy.

Well, I feel so bad of being so deeply in love. I mean I go sooo mad about his doing some things that make me sooo jealous. For example, yesterday I went to this damned Fight club under his password and so his chat with some fucking crazy_girl. I couldn't see everything, but it was clear that he was coming up for her and she was ok with that, but then he told her 'well, get dressed, cause my councios will eat me after this, I can't do that to my fiancee (???)' and then 'bye, sweetie'. I can't describe my feelings when I saw that. It was so unbelievebly terrible I felt so betrayed... I just started crying and crying... Of course, that was nothing, I HAD SEX OVER THE ICQ, but it was when I didn't love him. And now I wouldn't ever do that... Of course, there is a guy in the university with his eyes on me, and I don't mind, but it'll never be more than a simple flirt. And then he came and brought me a rose (I HATE WHITE ROSES!!!) and I asked him if he had fun with crazy_girl and I reminded him about that for about a thousand times... Ohh, it's so bad to be jealous. And how could he do this to me? I love him so much and I know he loves me too... Just like he touches my toes and says they're beautiful... Of course, he loves me and I know I drive him crazy and give him everything he wants, but still... WHY??? HOW COME??? I don't wanna be so in love with him, cause it hurts me everytime we quarell or I see things like that... I'm so stupid... Life is so stupid. And he's such a dick. Hate him for doing this to me. But he remembered about me and stopped... Curse him, curse him, cause HE started it.

Life, huh

I had my holiday today and it sucked a lot. I woke up and watched friends, then I had a terrible pain in my legs, cause it happens every time the weather changes and dad gave some fucking ointment and it some kind of burned my legs and I cried and then grandme gave me somw other ointment and it stopped burning, then Kolya came and we had some crazy time just doing nothing... and it wasn't nice or something, it was boring, then he left, I had some more 'friends' and now I'm sitting here still not knowing what to do. Is that a holiday? I keep realizing that I hate my life the way it is. I want to do something, but I don't wanna do anything. And I have no idea, what can change me or my life in future. Ok, I'll graduate, I'll get a job, I'll get married, but still it's gonna be sooo boring. God, will you help me get over this and find some aim or anything that'll keep me ok through this life, cause I'm not sure that anybody will ever understand me. Hate this.

HUH??????

Bear What Is Your Animal Personality? brought to you by QuizillaHow come that I'm a bear??? No! Kolya says I'a hare! (zaichik) How can I be a bear???

Saturday

Oh, I'm back from Moscow, I hope it's my last saturday there. Now we're goona have this lecture on thursdays.Valentine's day was very nice. We went shopping and bought some tasty stuff and then went to 'our' house and exchanged presents and ... huh-huh... so everything was very good :) I got a music box and some glass thing I can't describe, but there are to hearts there and three yellow (???) roses. I decided to follow Kate and do that diet she's so crazy about. Hope she'll tell me where to buy the book, cause I need it to keep with me. Well, I gotta go and take a shower and take care of my nails finally!!!

Waiting

Ok, I'm at home now :) Waiting for Kolya to come and take me somewhere to have a nice st. Valentine's. I wonder what he will present me!!! Went to the bank and payed for my education. Bought russian mobile for Kolya. Also bought two cheeseburgers for Kolya. So now I don't think I don't owe him any money :). He told me not to give it back, but I wanted, so now I'm ok.Kate gave me the whole second season of 'Friends'. Holidays are gonna be funny!!!God, please, make him like the lamp!!!